The case of Mondays
Few people like Monday, I think I used to be OK with them, not any more.
Every Monday we wake up to our own version of the “Groundhog Day” movie. The alarm goes off, you open your eyes and hope normality has returned, there is our girl sleeping in her bed. I would try to sneak downstairs and have my morning coffee to get myself ready for the everyday struggle with her clothes bothering her skin, her OCD monster tormenting her in yet another way…
It only takes couple seconds to see the clues though. My side table has books about parents and their dead children, the empty heart pendant is hanging on my lamp and Jason is hugging Sara’s monkey in his sleep.
I know we are about to repeat yet another week of this bizarre altered reality. I’m getting used to the empty feeling, it’s becoming somewhat manageable, but that’s on good days. On Monday morning we cry a lot. People cry about the present or the past. When you loose a loved one you start to cry about the future. All the experiences that will never be.
Last night Bob’s Burgers TV show started again, we watched new episode for the first time without Sara, she loved this show, she was our Louise for sure. In this episode Louise got sick, for the first time in six seasons, she had a fever, but she got better…She even sung about not dying, but getting better instead.
We couldn’t even look at each other after the closing credits, combining our pain was way too much this time.
Then we watched brand new Simpsons, yet another of Sara’s frequently watched cartoons. The opening sequence of Bart rolling through Springfield starts changing and J suddenly gasps for air, tears bursting out of his eyes…“Its Adventure Time!” No! WTF? Universe, are you playing some freaking sick joke, or secret tribute or god knows what!? First her little hero doesn’t die from fever and then you morph Bart into Finn!!!
We are just holding each other tight and crying into each other’s t-shirts, one thought in our heads…“Sara would have loved this so much”
But she will not see this episode, and these two episodes will become secretly banned in our house. If they start playing through the auto play feature in the Plex app I will quickly rush to skip to another show. This censorship might last weeks, but right now it feels I should expect months instead.
So it’s Monday morning, beautiful fall day is unfolding outside, but the sun can’t reach inside my heart today, I’m in way too deep, because it’s Monday, The Groundhog Day again…