Our “Plan B” life

This morning I heard a wonderful podcast and the speaker declared that life is all about second chances. That you are rarely the number one pick, but sometimes you can make it big from being picked as number two.
I absolutely agree and it feels like my whole life is the “second chance” version.
When I went to NYC my plan was to save up to pay for a year of university in Australia. I’m fascinated by this continent and their immigration rules made it possible for someone like me to be legally employed to support myself through the school. But just one month into my adventure of a lifetime my mother’s house burned down and my university fees payment became a new roof above my family’s head. So Canada became my Plan B.
I met my amazing husband, built a life and a family. Our Plan A was not without its difficulties, but we had it and we were happy. Until the day Sara shook in my arms and closed her eyes forever.
And here we are, scrambling to make Plan B.
People tell us we are an inspiration, that we are brave… I don’t understand why thou? What makes me brave? The fact that I haven’t killed myself? I would never do it, because I can’t stand the fact that I would hurt my loved ones by doing so, plus I’m too afraid of pain to actually execute it. So I’m stuck with Plan B, continuing on, somehow.
I never intended to be pregnant again, because my body took a huge toll during my previous pregnancy and during the two very dark years of depression that followed. Yet here we are again, expecting our new bundle of joy. We are living the Plan B life we never wanted or wished for, but I have to remind myself that four children and their families somewhere in North America get to live their Plan B life too. And I wish that they will make it big, even thou it was not their first choice.